Well, yesterday was National Best Friends Day, and I started writing this yesterday, so it's appropriate that this blog is kind of about friendship.
Community is something that we were designed for. Growing up in church, it almost seemed sinful to utter words like "I feel alone". If you dare to say that in the company of other believers, you'll likely get a response like "You're not alone, you have Jesus". As if we're not supposed to desire human companionship. It's time to stop using this line. We need to stop telling people who probably are alone, that they're not.
Yes, it's true. Christ satisfies us more than any sinful, imperfect human ever can. He is the only one who will never, ever let you down....
...but that's not all that we need. How do I know this?
Genesis 2:18
At this point, sin had not yet entered the world. There was no chasm between God and man. Adam had absolutely perfect communion with God, and yet God still said "It is not good for the man to be alone..." So, God's evaluation of Adam, as the only man on Earth was that he was 'alone'. When Adam was naming the animals, and he couldn't find a suitable mate, God didn't say "You're not alone, you have Me". He made Eve. He intended that Adam would have someone to share his discoveries with, to eat with, to talk with, to play with. God talked with Adam Himself, but He also gave Adam a companion who could talk about God with Him. God is more amazing than we can comprehend, and who would reflect on those things with Adam if there were no other people?
This shouldn't surprise us.
God Himself is three in one, and He created us "in His image", so it would make sense that we're designed for community with each other.
When you see a trailer for a movie that interests you, you find a friend to go to the theater with. You'll be staring at a giant screen in a dark room, not speaking to each other, but if you can't share the experience with someone else, it loses its appeal...
When you pull something out of the fridge that's expired, you find a friend to do the 'courtesy sniff'. You want someone else to know just how awful it smelled...
When you find a new beer, restaurant, song, or perfume that you like, you tell a friend about it. You want them to experience it, and talk about it with you. Good things are just made better when you have someone to share them with...
When you find yourself in a desperate situation you not only pray, but you ask your friends to pray as well. You somehow feel less alone...
When you feel like crying, you want a shoulder, and when you get exciting news, you want to tell a friend about it.
It's absolutely undeniable that we are wired for community.
Even in our tech-obsessed world, it's still obvious... When you're sitting around with all of your friends, and everybody has their faces buried in their phones, but you come upon some hilarious meme on Facebook. What do you do?
You share it. Not only do you share it on your profile, but you show the people you're with. You want somebody else to laugh about it with you. Somehow it's funnier when someone else is laughing.
Even when we don't realize how much we need it, something in us craves it.
I recently read an article about loneliness, and the negative affects that it can have on the body.
Some of the physical diseases thought to be caused or exacerbated by loneliness include Alzheimer’s, obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, neurodegenerative diseases, and even cancer. So, science seems to confirm it as well.
With this in mind, let's add to the list of Christian-ese, Sunday school answers that can be retired forever. A person who says that they feel alone, probably is. It's not about being in the company of people. One can feel completely alone in a crowd. We crave close companionship and intimacy. I'm not talking about anything sexual. I'm talking about an emotional connection. We desire to know someone, and to be known by them. We need to make ourselves vulnerable...
...That's the terrifying part. If I allow myself to become emotionally intimate with another person, I'm also giving them the ability to betray me. The people who have hurt me the most were also those closest to me, not really because of what they did, but because of the special place that they had in my life. An acquaintance could never cause the kind of pain and feelings of rejection that your best friend can. It's simply part of the package. Either remain distant and isolated, and suffer the consequences (physical, emotional, spiritual...), or take the risk of going deeper, and getting close to someone else. Someone else as broken and sinful as you are. You will get hurt, but it will be worth it. You were made for it. It didn't change after the fall, it just got harder and more complicated. In the same way that Adam needed someone to share his joys with in a perfect, unblemished world, we need someone to share the hard stuff, too. We need accountability. I have found that it's hard to overcome sin in your life until you confess it to someone else. We were made to share everything with someone else. It could be a best friend or a spouse (some people get both of those in one package). It could be a sibling, a parent, or a mentor. Acquaintances are nice to have, but we should be intentional about maintaining a close inner circle of people who are allowed see more than the face that we put on for everybody else. God designed it that way in the beginning, and Jesus built His church that way.We were created for more than surface-level social interactions. We were made to go deeper. We were created for community.
-Nakita
Community is something that we were designed for. Growing up in church, it almost seemed sinful to utter words like "I feel alone". If you dare to say that in the company of other believers, you'll likely get a response like "You're not alone, you have Jesus". As if we're not supposed to desire human companionship. It's time to stop using this line. We need to stop telling people who probably are alone, that they're not.
Yes, it's true. Christ satisfies us more than any sinful, imperfect human ever can. He is the only one who will never, ever let you down....
...but that's not all that we need. How do I know this?
Genesis 2:18
At this point, sin had not yet entered the world. There was no chasm between God and man. Adam had absolutely perfect communion with God, and yet God still said "It is not good for the man to be alone..." So, God's evaluation of Adam, as the only man on Earth was that he was 'alone'. When Adam was naming the animals, and he couldn't find a suitable mate, God didn't say "You're not alone, you have Me". He made Eve. He intended that Adam would have someone to share his discoveries with, to eat with, to talk with, to play with. God talked with Adam Himself, but He also gave Adam a companion who could talk about God with Him. God is more amazing than we can comprehend, and who would reflect on those things with Adam if there were no other people?
This shouldn't surprise us.
God Himself is three in one, and He created us "in His image", so it would make sense that we're designed for community with each other.
When you see a trailer for a movie that interests you, you find a friend to go to the theater with. You'll be staring at a giant screen in a dark room, not speaking to each other, but if you can't share the experience with someone else, it loses its appeal...
When you pull something out of the fridge that's expired, you find a friend to do the 'courtesy sniff'. You want someone else to know just how awful it smelled...
When you find a new beer, restaurant, song, or perfume that you like, you tell a friend about it. You want them to experience it, and talk about it with you. Good things are just made better when you have someone to share them with...
When you find yourself in a desperate situation you not only pray, but you ask your friends to pray as well. You somehow feel less alone...
When you feel like crying, you want a shoulder, and when you get exciting news, you want to tell a friend about it.
It's absolutely undeniable that we are wired for community.
Even in our tech-obsessed world, it's still obvious... When you're sitting around with all of your friends, and everybody has their faces buried in their phones, but you come upon some hilarious meme on Facebook. What do you do?
You share it. Not only do you share it on your profile, but you show the people you're with. You want somebody else to laugh about it with you. Somehow it's funnier when someone else is laughing.
Even when we don't realize how much we need it, something in us craves it.
I recently read an article about loneliness, and the negative affects that it can have on the body.
Some of the physical diseases thought to be caused or exacerbated by loneliness include Alzheimer’s, obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, neurodegenerative diseases, and even cancer. So, science seems to confirm it as well.
With this in mind, let's add to the list of Christian-ese, Sunday school answers that can be retired forever. A person who says that they feel alone, probably is. It's not about being in the company of people. One can feel completely alone in a crowd. We crave close companionship and intimacy. I'm not talking about anything sexual. I'm talking about an emotional connection. We desire to know someone, and to be known by them. We need to make ourselves vulnerable...
...That's the terrifying part. If I allow myself to become emotionally intimate with another person, I'm also giving them the ability to betray me. The people who have hurt me the most were also those closest to me, not really because of what they did, but because of the special place that they had in my life. An acquaintance could never cause the kind of pain and feelings of rejection that your best friend can. It's simply part of the package. Either remain distant and isolated, and suffer the consequences (physical, emotional, spiritual...), or take the risk of going deeper, and getting close to someone else. Someone else as broken and sinful as you are. You will get hurt, but it will be worth it. You were made for it. It didn't change after the fall, it just got harder and more complicated. In the same way that Adam needed someone to share his joys with in a perfect, unblemished world, we need someone to share the hard stuff, too. We need accountability. I have found that it's hard to overcome sin in your life until you confess it to someone else. We were made to share everything with someone else. It could be a best friend or a spouse (some people get both of those in one package). It could be a sibling, a parent, or a mentor. Acquaintances are nice to have, but we should be intentional about maintaining a close inner circle of people who are allowed see more than the face that we put on for everybody else. God designed it that way in the beginning, and Jesus built His church that way.We were created for more than surface-level social interactions. We were made to go deeper. We were created for community.
-Nakita
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